While the seasons go round, our minds do as well – especially while we are spinning into the holidays and 2012.  I am a complete believer that the end of any road is never completely the end, unless you fail to take the turn.

What’s more – in my circular thinking, the end is also the beginning.  As it gets dark and dreary in the Northeast, I also remind myself that a candle loses nothing by lighting another candle… and this is the best time to forgive, reach out, reconnect and laugh.  By giving light to others, we can accept the seasons and look for the new paths, representing new lights in the seasons of our own lives!

Thin Threads & Kiwi Publishing (and me, Stacey Battat) were featured this week in our CT region’s daily newspaper, The New Haven Register and it was such  a treat to hear from people –both online and in person, who were truly happy for us and the ‘buzz’ thin threads is creating.’  It was also an honor to connect with the wonderful writer of the article, Sandi Kahn Shelton, who truly brought the MAGIC of Thin Threads to life with her words!

Sandi was able to capture with her words a message of community and connection that I believe in deeply.   I am beginning to convey this message in my seminars, and it  is related to the way we connect with others.  There truly always is a common thread between us if you explore it enough.

I have even found this in some of my recent interactions with people I have known for years, but with whom I was never really connected ..  Some of those openings happened by the pure way that people took the time to sincerely congratulate me, and gave me the opening to ask them about the passions and paths of their own lives.   I try to look for those opportunities, and will continue to increase those opportunities for meaningful connections!  When we realize that by making someone else’s day better through connecting to what is important to him or her, we make our lives and the lives of those around us better.   It is even amazing to connect with a clerk or someone on line (physically) while waiting to purchase something.  We just don’t know , when we are sincere about the smallest compliment, how that smile can go the distance to others and we can all ‘thread it forward.’  We just have to take the time to notice, ask, connect!.

These small moments are the gifts we always have available to truly enrich our lives!

Isn’t this so simple but true?  Psychologists call it selective perception.  We truly only begin to perceive things based on what we select and why.  Becoming more open to what others value and how we can exchange those values is what opens doors, windows, and hearts, and I highly recommend it!

After all, as Yogi Berra put in his most precise way “You got to see it to see it.”

Instead of fighting nature…any kind for that matter…. why not see what is on the other side of the storm.  There are simply times in life that when we weather the storms, we learn what we are made of, and often whether those closest to us can withstand the ‘element’s of internal or external pressures.

Many years ago, I waitressed at a restaurant in Tel Aviv where sand storms used to come up from the dessert, and we would feel like we were suffocating.  One of my fellow waitresses had completed some of her work toward a Masters degree while studying/living with Beduin, nomadic dessert tribes who experienced many sand storms, and would simply squat down until they passed .  They passed on this advice to her, and her to me – and I have carried it with me every since:

If any adversity hits, nature or otherwise, don’t fight it — because it will fight you back… let it pass over you and anticipate what is on the other side!

An Unexpected Child Seals A Forever Friendship

By Noelle Alix and Angela Martin

Noelle and I cannot explain the chemistry that makes friends connect on first meeting. For us it was immediate.  A glimpse, a smile, and a friendship began.  Of course, we couldn’t have known that our friendship would be forever when we met on that February morning in 1974 in Sister Maurice’s first grade class.  It wasn’t until Noelle’s daughter, Cate, was born almost 25 years later that we understood the power and permanence of our friendship – hundreds of thin thread moments instantly woven together into an unbreakable bond – a lifelong friendship, sealed by the birth of an unexpected child.

In the days after Cate was born, and I’d learned that she had Down Syndrome, I was holding her at every possible moment, lifting her out of the bassinet at night to bring her into bed with me, so I could cuddle with her, brushing my cheek against hers to breathe in her scent, to feel her warmth; attempting, with the palm of my hand, to flatten her crazy black hair that stood on end. Having my daughter with me, right up next to me, was a way to heal the sadness that enveloped me, that weighed me down. To grieve the child that I had expected and lost the day that she was born. However, I didn’t see any of this at that time.  It’s just what I did.

When I first got the call about Noelle from a mutual friend, I felt numb, still disbelieving.  I sat on the floor of my living room, feet tucked under my bottom as if kneeling in prayer. The telephone receiver in my hands was beeping incessantly as I didn’t hang up, couldn’t hang up. Then it went silent.  The stillness was worse.  It was empty, vacant, lost. I pictured my good friend, and it broke my heart.

I’d just had my second baby six weeks earlier, and was now the mother of two boys who were two years apart. Leading parallel lives the way friends do, Noelle had just become the mother of two girls, two years apart.

But it wasn’t quite the same.  For me, life was complete.  My family had been whole and belonged to me. But for Noelle, I thought, Oh, Noelle. While her life felt entirely connected to mine with so many milestones shared together, somehow it was also so far away.  Time and again I questioned the randomness of fate, something I never had cause to contemplate before.

To read more, please order our special edition:  Thin Threads of Women & Friendship for less than $8.00- no shipping charges through the end of September!

We should all be prepared to ‘transition,’ in particular with a strong sense of knowledge that things WILL be uncertain – as is life.  I hope that you enjoy the Mamablog I  posted for the a very special new place – one that truly welcomes transition!  Founded by  my co-editor of  Thin Threads of Moms & Grandmas , Joy Rose of Mamazina & Mamapalooza the JUST OPENED Museum of Motherhood on 84th Street & 1st Avenue in NYC is a place that will make all moms proud of who they are, and take part and take action for motherhood!  I just visited and found it to be a piece of mama heaven – YOU MUST VISIT!

I met the woman who wrote and will perform her play at the Museum “Sex in Mommyville” every third Saturday night.  I look forward to attending one of the shows in coming weeks.

The essence of this message and the attached blog is that I hope you will join me in welcoming uncertainty and helping to bring on change, as Joy Rose is doing with the Museum of Motherhood!  I know you will enjoy this blog post and join us as we launch the Thin Threads edition of Moms & Grandmas. I will be posting some excerpts from upcoming stories soon, with particular attention to Elynne Chaplik-Aleskow and the fact that she will participate in the reading/launch of the special edition book in the Fall at the Museum!  Here is the link to our Facebook page.

Join Kate, Jule, Elynne, Joyce, Joy and me this Thursday, Oct 20th at 11AM & 1PM at the MoM for two amazing events listed on the FB page above!  You will be SOO glad you did!

http://joinmama.blogspot.com/2011/08/blog-post.html

A typical comment between strangers, he says, is “what do you do?”  It is essential to be more than just what we ‘DO,’ and this requires exploration.  As most Eastern practices teach, his contention is to meditate daily. There are many other ways, as well, to reconnect to who we are and just be.  His colleague, Elizabeth Lesser discusses in workshops how ‘leading from the inside out,” requires knowing what is below the surface.  She journals daily in order to find the essence of who she is (and has a great sense of humor in her writing about being on the ongoing journey called life, which is never perfect!).

Before we can connect in more meaningful ways to others, sometimes we need to stretch out of current comfort zones, and sometimes we find the richest friendships in inter generational friendships, where we can offer one another unique perspective.

Here are excerpts from one of those stories, The Light of Friendship which can be found in the special edition of  Thin Threads of Women & Friendship.  Even though the story teller, Susan Guerrero, was lonely the first time she uprooted herself, she finds a friend who – when she moves again, is still able to ‘complete’ her life in many ways!

I felt alone, in the new place.  Although I had two small children, I was without friends or roots, and  I felt sad beyond belief.  Many of the new people I met had moved to the area to retire, and they were much older than me.  One day I signed up to attend an “Aging Gracefully” seminar.  My thinking was, might as well plan in advance. Sitting next to me in one of the workshops was a darling little lady with extremely pretty, hazel colored eyes. She had a big smile as she gently nudged me before the lecture began.

“Are you here with anyone?” she asked.

“No,” I said, shaking my head. “I’m here by myself.”

“Want to eat lunch together later?” she sweetly asked.

I happily agreed.

Those were the beginning moments of a long and cherished friendship that has continued to this day.

Delores, retired from a lengthy career at a university, became my closest advisor, ally, bosom buddy, encourager, mentor and friend.  If she felt I was wrong about something, she let me know it. She could chastise with the wisdom of a mother, but love with the gentleness of a friend.

She had experienced great loss in her life. Her first husband died tragically by drowning. Her second husband, with whom she had moved to Arizona, didn’t feel well one afternoon when they had been planning an upcoming Thanksgiving dinner. So he laid down on the couch, and within a short time, he was gone. He was only 52 years old, and he died from a heart attack..

Delores and I discovered that we had a lot in common. We both loved beautiful things for our homes, and also enjoyed antiques and thrift store shopping.  Like me, she had an eye for quality items. For a dozen years, the two of us made numerous excursions to shops and sales. And laughter was always a part of the times we spent together. Delores always maintained a buoyant, optimistic attitude.  No life sorrow could keep her down for very long.

I hope that you find friends that help pull you up so that you don’t feel down for long, but remember – we do have to go through the ‘process’ of being alone (and sometimes down) in order to truly be lifted by ourselves or another.  True friendships can come from the fragile, ‘thin thread’ moments in life!

One day, when a seamstress was sewing while sitting close to a river, her thimble fell into the river. When she cried out, the Lord appeared and asked,  “My dear child, why are you crying?”  The seamstress replied that her thimble had fallen into the water and that she needed it to help her husband in making a living for their family .  The Lord dipped His hand into the water and pulled up a golden thimble set with pearls. “Is this your thimble?” the Lord asked The seamstress replied, “No.” The Lord again dipped into the river. He held 0ut a silver thimble ringed with  sapphires.   “Is this your thimble?” the Lord asked.  Again, the seamstress replied, “No.” The Lord reach ed down again and came up with a leather thimble. “Is this your

thimble?” the Lord asked.   The seamstress replied, “Yes.”  The Lord was pleased with the woman’s honesty and gave her all three thimbles to  keep, and the seamstress went home happy.

Some years later, the seamstress was walking with her husband along the riverbank, and her husband fell into the river and disappeared under the water.

When she cried out, the Lord again appeared and asked her, “Why are you crying?” > Lord, my husband has fallen into the river!”  The Lord went down into the water and came up with George Clooney.

“Is this your husband?” the Lord asked.

Yes,” cried the seamstress.

The Lord was furious. “You lied! That is an

untruth!”

The seamstress replied, “Oh, forgive me, my Lord. It is a misunderstanding.  You see, if I had said ‘no’ to George Clooney, you would have come up with Brad Pitt. Then if I said ‘no’ to him, you would have come up with my husband. Had I then said ‘yes,’ you would have given me all three. Lord, I’m not in

the best ofhealth and would not be able to take care of all three husbands, so THAT’S why I  said ‘yes’ to George Clooney.   And so the Lord let her keep him.

The moral of this story is: Whenever a woman

lies, it’s for a good and honorable reason, and in the best interest of others.

That’s our story, and we’re sticking to it.

Signed,

Women everywhere

Thin Threads of Women & Friendship – our newest Thin Threads book, was released in June.  Our  CT book launch brought together a few of the authors whose stories appeared in the book, and welcomed dozens more women – mostly friends of author Marje Lipshez Shapiro, to inspire one another in very meaningful ways.  We spoke about dreams and connections and how our friends can empower our own visions. What better way is there to create bonding friendships than to take time and pause to recognize what makes a good friend, and to appreciate them while we can.
May Jones is the co-editor of of the special edition.  In her Introduction,  Mary elaborates about friendship,  and is moved by how we can connect in any given moment.  She discusses how, when she thinks back on fragile times in her life (thin thread moments), her close friends got her through.  We spoke about this on her TALK OF CT radio show earlier today.  My hope for all of you reading this is that you pause today to reach out to an old friend or a friend in need.

We can identify aspects of ourselves in our relationships when we just reach out.  You may even surprise yourself and uncover your own thin thread moment.  If you would like to send Thin Threads of Women & Friendship – ten beautiful stories to a friend, you may begin a new thread in your life or theirs!  The book is only a few dollars more than a card – and mails beautifully! This month we are offering a special to buy two Women & Friendship books and receive one for free. Just put FSE in the coupon code area.  We are also offering an Anthology special to buy one (and automatically) we will ship one for free!

Reflecting upon some of the most important thing each of my kids have said or written to me over the years,  I am able to realize why this is truly one of my most cherished roles.   Having worked with all age children and their families much of my life, I have also learned so much from the circle of families in the world! I believe that, if we pause to experience some of the unexpected surprises, whether through our own kids or those in our lives who nurture their open & youthful spirits, we can find the cherished moments that make motherhood or ‘role modeling’ worth living.

There was the time I was with my 3 year old son, when I found a beautiful and unique (huge) shell on an isolated beach in my area.  I was so excited to share it with him,  and when I handed it to him, he – in pure silliness – dropped it and it shattered on the boardwalk.  I became very angry and wanted to teach him the value of taking care of things, but as I raised my voice a bit, I saw his face contort… and I had my mini ‘thin thread’ moment.  we had been experiencing such joyful the moments of beach bliss,  holding hands in the sand, swinging and running with abandoned laughter , and I almost ruined the moment by making the anger about the broken shell my reality.  The way we see and respond is gift we give our children.  I just picked him up and swung him in the air and his smile was the smile in my heart.

“Children learn to smile from their parents.” – Shinichi Suzuki

There were many moments of sweet silence in the car-pooling both of my pre teens to their myriad and multiple art, music, theatre, martial arts and dance lessons.  Those moments are still with me in a magical way, as they bonded us in a common purpose.  Often we would reflect upon the smallest details in their lives, which opened up and connected us in the listening, while we drove side by side.

Even though I occasionally complained to myself about those shleps (but usually changed my thinking quickly to know I was blessed to by healthy and able to do them),  as my kids go off to college – I will miss those moments. Especially the silent moments of love and acceptance between the small talk!

Famous pianist Arthur Rubenstein was asked, “How do you handle the notes as well as you do?’ He answered “I handle the notes no better than many others, but the pauses – ah! That is where the music resides!”

My message to you on Mother’s Day is take time to reflect on the pauses, so that you can appreciate them more today… allow them to bring you smiles… which will endure the generations through your children!

We will be releasing our Thin Threads of Moms & Grandmas book soon.  Join our Facebook Page for specials and stories!

Happy Mother’s Day!